Kate made me stupid. She made me
unsafe. But she made me real. I was the embodiment of apathy without her. I
didn’t have a personality. She gave me everything, but her presence threatened
to make it all fall apart.
“Dishes are done and- holy shit what
happened to you?”
Kate’s voice broke into my thoughts
like more icy water. I dropped my head into my hands and extended my wings,
shifting them forward to hide behind.
“I’m fine, Kate,” I lied. “Just went
for a swim.”
“Your skin is blue, Sabe. Normally its
copper. Blue isn’t a good color for you. Why would you stay in the water that
long?”
“I have my reasons. Please go away.”
“Are you safe right now?”
“I won’t hurt you.”
“No, only yourself, right?”
I let my wings and hands drop, her
hurt tone forcing me to look at her. She was standing ten feet away, her arms
crossed angrily. I hugged my knees against my chest. I didn’t mind being naked
in front of her, but it went against my nature to flaunt it. I was mostly just
relieved I hadn’t gotten another ill-timed hard-on.
“I’m just a little cold. I’ll warm
up. Don’t worry,” I said.
“What’s wrong?” she prompted.
I’m
going crazy with lust but I can’t touch you for fear of raging and ripping you
to tiny pieces? There had to be a classy romantic way to say that, but I
wasn’t coming up with anything.
“Saben?” she prompted.
“I, ah, it’s just that, I’m really,
ah…”
She rolled her eyes. “For once can
you just fucking spit it out?”
“I want to fuck you so bad I can’t
think straight.” Way to go, Saben. That
was definitely romantic and classy.
Her eyes went wide and her mouth
fell open, bringing more helpful carnal images into my mind.
“Oh for shit’s sake, forget I said
that,” I muttered, standing up and pulling my wet cargo pants back on. My hands
were shaking too hard for me to button them. “Forget I can talk at all, in
fact. I’m giving up talking altogether, for the greater good.”
Kate caught my fingers as I fumbled
with the button of my pants. I gasped at the warmth of her. I wanted to tell
her not to touch me. I wanted to tell her to back away, but I had just sworn
off talking. I couldn’t look at her.
“Saben.” My name sounded like a
caress. She slid her arms around my waist, pressing her warm curvy body against
me. I was so cold it felt like she was on fire. I stayed still, afraid to move.
She wasn’t holding me like a lover. She held me like a friend. Maybe it was
because I had just gotten-off, but something allowed me to feel her against me
without reacting sexually. I put my arms around her and held her close. She was
so warm and soft. I had known very little comfort in my life. Everything had
always come at a price. I knew that Kate wanted nothing that I wasn’t willing
to give.
“You are so cold,” Kate shivered in
my arms. I nodded, indulging in the fantasy of burying my face in her
sun-warmed hair. “I know you said not to touch you, but I had to. You looked so
pathetic and frustrated.”
Well, those were flattering
attributes I could check off. I didn’t care. She was gently stroking the back
of my neck. I realized I had picked her up to settle her more comfortably
against me. Being so tall was often a drawback. I was glad for my in-human
strength as I held her effortlessly off the ground.
“Well?” she prompted. “Aren’t you
going to say anything?”
I shook my head into her hair.
“Oh, come on, you weren’t serious
about the whole not talking thing were you?”
“I’ll say it wrong,” I muttered.
“Probably. But I want to hear it
anyway.”
I held her close, trying to show her
with my body what I knew I could never properly express with words. “No matter
what happens at the Den, I want this. I want to hold you. I want to listen to
you tell me stories. I want to watch your eyes light up, and trace the line of
your nose.”
She giggled. “My nose is crooked.”
“It is not. There’s just this cute
little bump.” I ran my finger along her nose.
“It’s not cute. It’s ugly.”
“I have wings. I’d say they are a
bit more disfiguring than a line across your nose.”
“Your wings are beautiful. They make
you who you are,” she barked at me.
I smiled. “It’s the same thing, mon coeur.”
“Your wings are beautiful,” she
repeated. “My scar is just a scar.”
“It’s what makes you who you are,” I
parroted her words back to her, mimicking her voice nearly perfectly.
She slapped my chest. “I hate it
when you do that.”
“Will you tell me a story?” I asked.
“You want me to tell you a story?
Now?”
I nodded with childish enthusiasm.
“Are you going to put me down
first?”
I sat down with her on my lap.
“What story do you want to hear?”
she asked, leaning her head against my chest.
“Anything.”
Back at the facility, they would let
her into my cell for hours at a time. I would find a comfortable place to sit
and she would start telling me a story. She would move around my cell at first,
eventually ending up sitting on my lap or somehow cuddling with me. It was the
only way the scientists at the facility had found to calm me down. My time with
Kate made me manageable when they took me out of my cell for tests and
experiments. She was my reward for good behavior.
I stroked my fingers through her
hair while she began to talk.
“Once upon a time, there was a
little boy who never wanted to grow up,” she began. Despite being, well,
whatever age I was, I had a fanatical love of children’s stories. Peter Pan was
one of my favorites, although I was partial to Kate’s version where Peter had
wings instead of pixy dust, Tinkerbelle had red hair, and Captain Hook wore a
lab coat.
I loved children’s stories because I
could always understand them. The adult novels I borrowed from the library were
often too complex for me to grasp. Reading was hard for me, and while I could
do it, it took concentration. Writing was even worse. They had tested my
intelligence at the facility. While they hadn’t ever shared their findings with
me, I knew I wasn’t brilliant. Puzzles were impossible for me. I was easily
confused by word problems and was unable to count above ten. The average twelve
year old could probably make me look like an idiot.
“Tinkerbelle wanted to follow Peter
when he escaped the pirate ship,” Kate was saying, “But as soon as he was gone,
her wings went away. She had to wait for the ship to run aground. But by then,
she had no idea how to find Peter. She wished she could fly. She was sure she
could see him if she could just sit on a cloud and look.
“But without Peter, there would be
no flying. So Tinkerbelle started walking, looking for the boy who never wanted
to grow up. She walked for a very long time, but never gave up hope that she
would find him.”
“She does find him, though,” I said.
She hadn’t told this part of the story back at the facility.
Kate smiled up at me and I realized
that her fingers were linked through mine.
“Yes, she found him. He had been
waiting for her all that time, but he had forgotten who she was. The pirates
had put a horrible spell on him. As soon as he let go of her hand, he had
forgotten her. But when she found him, it all came back. And he held her close,
and she knew that he would never forget her again.”
I kissed her forehead, and rocked
her gently against my chest.
